Breaking the Silence

Been a while since I posted anything up here. Been a while since I wrote anything in fact, anything worth sharing at any rate.

Just over a year ago now I was in Nepal finishing up a novel. A novel which is currently squatting malignantly in the basement levels of my mind, either done or completely undone, depending on what day of the week I think about it. I also have a novella finished, a sequel to Laikanist Times and the second part of what I hope to make a trilogy. But again, I’m doing nothing with it beyond skirting my thoughts around it.

It’s an odd variation of writers block I guess. With the visual art I’ve felt liberated into perpetual procrastination. I draw something, I get that hit of expression and all is well, even if I know that there’s nothing of any real weight contained in that expression. Not that it’s not good, I don’t mean that for an instant, but it’s not the same sort of creativity as writing offers. It asks less, rewards more and comes easier. I’m not a visual artist after all, I’m not under any obligation to create something of value when I draw, it’s enough just to create something.

Over the summer I wrote some poetry, a tiny concession to the written word as I travelled around again looking at and drawing pictures. None of it was particularly good, or particularly bad for that matter. Now though, my hiatus dragging on into a barely defined retreat, I’m finding myself struggling. I want to get back to my words but I’m not sure how to approach them. I want to face up to the novel again, but I’m lacking the courage. I want to write something new, but I don’t feel the old immersion into doing it.

It’s a tricky one, for me.

Anyway, this update is really just a mind fart to let those thoughts out. In truth I know what I need and want to do. Confront that novel and put it out there, do the same with the novella, get them into the world and out of the basement of my mind. They’re taking up too much space and avoiding them is exhausting, plus I know the passion and love that went into them. They’re not nothing, they’re just jaded in my eyes by familiarity.

I’ll be putting both of them and all of my content out on a free/pick your price digital basis with paid paperbacks. I’ll also be removing all of my work from Amazon because, frankly, fuck them. The drawing has taught me that much, to love the sort of work I want to do it needs to be detached from the narrow focus of commercialism. Which might sound twattishly arrogant, as if I’m well off enough not to need a living – I’m definitely not. But frankly I prefer working in a mundane job to trying to sell what I love and besides, I’ve already made more from the visual art, without really intending to, than I do from the writing. Not caring has been good to me and I’d like to take it up as a lifestyle choice wherever possible.

So, 2018, although it’s been quiet so far, will be a busy one. Two books, maybe three, maybe a collection too as I purge the system of dormant work. More art too, lots of it.

We do what we do because we love what we’re doing, after all.

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