Crashed America, gercha Crashed America here

Well, not quite but nearly. Picking up tips from the Big Book of Indie Publishing I’ll be sending out advance copies of Crashed America for review over the next few weeks. eBook only at this point and with the proviso that you’ll get it read and reviewed for a launch at the end of April – assuming that you have nothing but praise to offer of course. And this means reviews on Amazon, B&N, Smashwords, Goodreads and similar sites, where new authors especially need any edge they can get. If you’re an established reviewer or blogger you can expect a press release soon but feel free to get in touch if you’re eager. On the plus side for everyone else your copy will be free, your life will gain meaning and the Gods will smile down benevolently upon your contribution to the betterment of humanity.

Marketing when you’re Indie is a bit like flashing strangers in the park; nobody appreciates it, the only comments passed are likely to be complaining ones and you can’t help but feel guilty for doing it. But unlike flashing it is a necessary evil and for every Indie release you help out with a fairy gets its wings. Or a dog manages to look up, or a child in Africa dies or something along those lines. And above all you’ll gain my eternal gratitude, which is currently valued at around 13p on the open market.

To get your copy email me and let me know what format works for you (pdf, epub, mobi, doc, txt, copied out in crayon on the back of a street urchin, engraved in marble etc) and I’ll get it sent out. I’ll only be sending out a finite number of copies so get ’em while they’re hot.

Crashed America is the story of one man,  one Messiah, a fistful of demonic creatures, a priest, a nun, some Hillbillies and the looming fall of civilization. Featuring a star-studded cast it’s been hailed as the first book to, you know, really *get* me, the literary equivalent of a couple of pints and some chips on the way home and the sort of experience that leaves a person convinced that they can fly.

When Joe sets off for those United States of America he has many plans, delicate dreams and delusions to be lived out against the background of the Americana ideal. Killing Jesus isn’t on the list but, as ever, life does its own thing. A mix between dark comedy, absurdity, explosions and the obligatory sex and drugs ‘Crashed America’ is my debut (full length) novel. Due for release in early May 2014.

Critics say:

‘I haven’t read it but it’s got a nice cover’ Kim Jong Un

‘Terrible, a massive waste of time’ The Author

‘It’s about the right length for a novel’ Google

‘And why do they end up having sex? I don’t get it.’ John Wayne 

‘This book made me kill my son. In a good way though’ Inmate #82763

‘This will be bigger than The Beatles, but they were quite short’ John Lennon’s Ghost

‘Arguably the greatest book called Crashed America ever, although I admit I haven’t read them all’ Vladimir Putin

‘I liked that one part with the guy doing the thing’ Barrack Obama

‘Blasphemous nonsense’ Archbishop Desmond Tutu

‘I loved it, and I bet Jesus would have too’ Fred Phelps

‘I bet we can sue over this’ Pope Francis

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