Crashed America – Free eBook

Crashed America by Dylan Malik Orchard Novel

Another book going out for free today – Crashed America, my first novel. Available in a variety of formats or you can grab the physical copy here. As always if you enjoy it, share it and review it – you can also donate direct to me here if you’re feeling an over-abundance of love.

When Joe sets off for those United States of America he has a whole Crashed America by Dylan Malik Orchard Novellist of plans, dreams, schemes and delusions to be lived out against an idealised Americana backdrop. Killing Jesus isn’t exactly among them but, as ever, life does its own thing.

After crashing in Alabama Joe finds himself caught up in the prelude to the End of Days, with the Devil on one side, a Hillbilly clan on the other and the whole spectrum of crazy in between – from a Satanic Reagan to good old boys Waco and ET. None of which makes any sense to him, or his new found companion the born again atheist Father Fitzpatrick but with enough moonshine, guns, nuns, demons and backwoods mysticism he might just make it through. Although the rest of the world might not.

Crashed America PDF

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You can also buy the paperback copy here.

Crashed America – Dark Comedy

Crashed America by Dylan Malik Orchard

I’m crap at marketing so Crashed America – my first, biggest and baddest book seldom gets the love it deserves. Especially now that we’re hurtling towards the point where ‘Crashed America’ may become a meaningless title once the entire country sinks into the sea under the weight of Donald Trump’s mighty, throbbing ego. If/when that happens I may just re-write the whole thing, change everyone’s name to ‘Yuri’ and see if I can get myself assassinated by Putin for slighting Russia. I’ve given up on Obama drone striking me after all.

Televangelist 2Until then though this is my heavy handed sales pitch because if you want to be the person your momma always hoped you’d be then you need to buy yourself a copy of Crashed AmericaIt’s a rollercoaster ride from beginning to… ah shucks, I’m no salesman – but if you like your comedy dark, your world surreal and if Neil Gaiman, Robert Anton Wilson, Jasper Fforde, Robert Rankin, Warren Ellis or Terry Gilliam* are names that arouse curiosity in your jaded, internet fatigued mind then you could do far worse than giving it a look.

And, as if that wasn’t enough, you can have a brand new, exclusive, limited edition, early access, ultra rare, black market only, previously not-much-seen synopsis for free too. But don’t go telling anyone about this, or everyone will be wanting one – and then I’d have to kill you.

Crashed America Web CoverWhen Joe sets off for those United States of America he has a whole list of plans, dreams, schemes and delusions to be lived out against an idealised Americana backdrop. Killing Jesus isn’t exactly among them but, as ever, life does its own thing.

After crashing in Alabama Joe finds himself caught up in the prelude to the End of Days, with the Devil on one side, a Hillbilly clan on the other and the whole spectrum of crazy in between – from a Satanic Reagan to good old boys Waco and ET. None of which makes any sense to him, or his new found companion the born again atheist Father Fitzpatrick but with enough moonshine, guns, nuns, demons and backwoods mysticism he might just make it through. Although the rest of the world might not.

Crashed America is available as an ebook or paperback, so you can respectively hide it or show it off depending on how clever you think it makes you look and for every copy sold a small amount of money will go directly to me. And I will spend it. Unwisely.

Now, go and read a book. This book, not any of the other books, they’re all terrible, mine is the best book, everybody says so – because I have really great books and my words are the best. I know lots of them. MAKE ME GREAT AGAIN! #VoteCrashedAmerica2016

*Nothing is worse, or less meaningful than having to list names of writers who might write a bit like you – especially because you always nurse a nagging suspicion that you’re either far better, or far worse than they are. The bastards.

RIGHT! Let’s write.

The honey moon is over, the bloom has gone off, the love has left and now there’s just a life time’s worth of grinding monotony to look forward to. Crashed America has been out for (just about) a month now and I’m glad to say the reception has been fairly good. Still waiting for that boat buyin’ money to come rolling in but on the plus side I haven’t been driven to the point of self-immolation as crowds of detractors cheer me on to the great beyond. So that’s definitely a plus.

Now though it’s time to get over my self-congratulatory fug and do what writers do, by which I mean writing, not drinking and complaining about other writers.

Over the past few weeks I’ve been playing with a few ideas, going over some old drafts and mulling things over in a manner that suggests, to the ignorant, that I’m not actually doing anything at all. And now decisions have been reached. From the long list of ideas I’ve got lurking around I’ve picked one to push on with and started work on the first draft of a new novel.

At this point I’m not going to say much about it, if only because it’s (probably) bad luck to start sharing before something’s actually written. What I will say though is that this new book is very, well, new. If you liked Crashed America it should work for you but the plan is to make it a big step forward in a lot of ways. Where CA was daunting for being my first complete effort for public consumption this one is daunting for being a generally bigger story. There’s a lot more world building going on and while my love of irrealist chaos hasn’t faded there’s a more grounded sensibility this time round.

That said however it’s too early for any of that to be set in stone because when you start writing you can never be entirely sure where it will take you.

Rest assured that I’ll be keeping y’all updated through the process though and when the time’s right I’ll be throwing out some sample chapters. As well as looking for some beta readers to have a look at the first readable draft.

Until there’s more though – have a song.

Crashed America – Coming Soo-…

… oh wait, it’s already arrived. Yes folks Crashed America has been up and available for nigh on 24 hours now and, as the sky hasn’t fallen and I haven’t thrown myself out of the window in despair I’d say it’s all going fairly well. Of course as I live on the ground floor that doesn’t necessarily mean much.

Today and many days to come are set to be consumed by frenetic attempts to spread the good word and get people to check the book out. I’m already practising my Evangelical preacher’s perma-grin and gradually building up to the point of standing up on buses and asking rush hour commuters whether or not they’ve heard the ‘good word’.  So keep an eye out for that on your way back from work and be sure to ask for a signed copy before I become ‘awkward’ and they have to throw me off.

Work wise I’m thinking on what to do next, a podcast/radio short is in the pipeline as well as some short stories that fit somewhere around Crashed America but too soon to say which’ll come first. For now though, back to that proselytizing…