Crashed America by Dylan Malik Orchard

Crashed America – Dark Comedy

I’m crap at marketing so Crashed America – my first, biggest and baddest book seldom gets the love it deserves. Especially now that we’re hurtling towards the point where ‘Crashed America’ may become a meaningless title once the entire country sinks into the sea under the weight of Donald Trump’s mighty, throbbing ego. If/when that happens I may just re-write the whole thing, change everyone’s name to ‘Yuri’ and see if I can get myself assassinated by Putin for slighting Russia. I’ve given up on Obama drone striking me after all.

Televangelist 2Until then though this is my heavy handed sales pitch because if you want to be the person your momma always hoped you’d be then you need to buy yourself a copy of Crashed AmericaIt’s a rollercoaster ride from beginning to… ah shucks, I’m no salesman – but if you like your comedy dark, your world surreal and if Neil Gaiman, Robert Anton Wilson, Jasper Fforde, Robert Rankin, Warren Ellis or Terry Gilliam* are names that arouse curiosity in your jaded, internet fatigued mind then you could do far worse than giving it a look.

And, as if that wasn’t enough, you can have a brand new, exclusive, limited edition, early access, ultra rare, black market only, previously not-much-seen synopsis for free too. But don’t go telling anyone about this, or everyone will be wanting one – and then I’d have to kill you.

Crashed America Web CoverWhen Joe sets off for those United States of America he has a whole list of plans, dreams, schemes and delusions to be lived out against an idealised Americana backdrop. Killing Jesus isn’t exactly among them but, as ever, life does its own thing.

After crashing in Alabama Joe finds himself caught up in the prelude to the End of Days, with the Devil on one side, a Hillbilly clan on the other and the whole spectrum of crazy in between – from a Satanic Reagan to good old boys Waco and ET. None of which makes any sense to him, or his new found companion the born again atheist Father Fitzpatrick but with enough moonshine, guns, nuns, demons and backwoods mysticism he might just make it through. Although the rest of the world might not.

Crashed America is available as an ebook or paperback, so you can respectively hide it or show it off depending on how clever you think it makes you look and for every copy sold a small amount of money will go directly to me. And I will spend it. Unwisely.

Now, go and read a book. This book, not any of the other books, they’re all terrible, mine is the best book, everybody says so – because I have really great books and my words are the best. I know lots of them. MAKE ME GREAT AGAIN! #VoteCrashedAmerica2016

*Nothing is worse, or less meaningful than having to list names of writers who might write a bit like you – especially because you always nurse a nagging suspicion that you’re either far better, or far worse than they are. The bastards.

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